Sheila Hamilton’s Not-a-Feel-Good Memoir of Mental Illness and Suicide

The KINK-FM host and Emmy-winning news reporter talks about the hardest thing she ever wrote.

By Sophia June

Updated 9:58 AM 
Published 9:43 AM

About Sophia June

Sophia June is a Portland native who recently graduated from the University of Oregon, where she studied journalism and worked as a radio DJ. She writes about music, culture and rad women.

Sheila Hamilton's memoir, All the Things We Never Knew, is not a feel-good book. In fact, it left me emotionally gutted. But I also read it cover to cover in a one sitting. It's a boldly raw account of the story of Hamilton's late husband, David—who was bipolar and committed suicide in 2006—chronicling their time together from the first meeting through the months after his death. The former TV journalist and current KINK-FM morning-show host's book also doubles as a look into the country's flawed mental health system. WW visited Hamilton in her studio to talk about the book. 

WW: Did you have an audience in mind?

Sheila Hamilton: The memoir portion was never intended to be a book; I wrote to save my own life. It was only after I did the reporting pieces and realized how widespread mental health failures are, how many families were falling through the cracks like ours did, that I felt like there might be a wider audience. I think the most common refrain I hear from readers is, "This explains so much."

What was the most difficult scene to write?

Definitely my having to recount telling [my daughter] Sophie about her dad's death—the day is never far from my memory, or the trauma of seeing the little 9-year-old girl have to be told she'll never see her father again. I actually wrote that story over the course of a day—writing, lying on the floor, sobbing. And I ripped it up. I remember thinking, "I am not going to put that in the book. It's too personal, too raw."

But in some ways, that moment was the defining moment for us: Are we going to choose to live, are we going to go forward as united, strong women or are we going to sink into the shame and the humiliation of someone's death?

Putting that chapter in the book was a defining point for us, saying, I'm not going to continue with the shame of mental illness. I'm going to be bold about this. I'm sure it will forever in my lifetime be the hardest thing I ever write.

An underlying theme of the book is strong, resilient independent female characters. Did you consider it a feminist book?

I was the person who pulled our family back up. I didn't rely on some Prince Charming—as some critics have said—to help me. I was very clear that I wanted to recover from the financial setback and the physical setback and the emotional setback on my own. And I wanted to be an example for my daughter, that we actually complicate our lives by relying on other people because we are strong enough to do it ourselves. I absolutely think it's a feminist book.  

You write about music's emotional effects. Was it difficult to work in radio?

I think music is the most underrated and most powerful healing mechanism there is. When I came back to work, [folk rocker] Marc Cohn came in, and he had just recovered from being shot. He sang this song about coming back from almost dying, and it was so resonant to me that I was sobbing while I was doing the interview.

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How To Respond To 9 Common Anti-Feminist Comments

How To Respond To 9 Common Anti-Feminist Comments

JR THORPE

a day agoLIFESTYLE

Recently, I ran into an Asshole At A Dinner Party (TM) who had, amongst other things, opinions about feminism and misogyny. Namely, he didn't think that misogyny was a real problem in the Western world because "he'd never seen evidence of it himself". Bear in mind that this dude didn't actually seem to mean to be an asshole. He was just being deliberately ignorant — and white, and straight, and well-educated, and basically in a position to educate himself as much as he chose about any given issue.

I am a strong proponent of getting into arguments with these people, and giving them rational, reasoned evidence and good arguments as to why their perspective needs to change. Statistics can only do so much; studies have shown that anecdotal evidence is just as, if not more, powerful in influencing peoples' opinions as rational evidence. So, if I'd met that dude over again, I'd have thrown in my own experiences and those of my friends: discovering they made less than the man who did their same job, being sexually assaulted and then mistreated by the police, being constantly pressured to have babies, being felt up or poked on public transport and harassed by strangers, experiencing surprised customers who couldn't believe they were a "girl" and so good at their job. All those stories are true. And I wish I'd marshalled them in time.

So next time you meet an Asshole At A Dinner Party with opinions on feminism, here's a good way to school them. With a healthy dose of input from your own experiences and those of your friends, of course.

1. "I've Never Seen Misogyny, So I Don't Think It's A Problem"

How nice for you, sunshine! It must be lovely to live in a bubble. Let me tell you some things that may transform your idea that it's not a real problem in the Western world (which I imagine is what you mean). In 2014, women in full-time employment in America were paid, on average, 79 percent of the income paid to men. That's despite huge rises in women's education. And it seems, according to reporting in November 2015, that it will take over 100 years for women to be paid the same amount for the same work. This reflectssexism in hiring practices, inequality in maternity and paternity leave, glass ceilings, hostile work environments, women's cultural expectation not to fight for pay rises, occupational segregation, and women's work being undervalued, among other things.

Or, let's take women being threatened with death for talking about gender inequality in video gaming. Or the fact that one in every six American womenwill be the subject of a rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. Or that, in 2014, 26,027 people filed official complaints about sexual discrimination in the American workplace, and that women file 82.5 percent of all sexual harassment complaints with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. But do tell me more about how misogyny and gender discrimination don't actually exist.

2. "Feminists Should Be Equalists"

I've discussed this in detail for Bustle before, so really I should just give you a hand-out of my article and tell you to come back when you've read it. But here's a summary: feminism is based on altering the historical, endemic discrimination against women across all quarters of society, from economic to medical to educational to sexual. It believes men and women should be equal and have equal rights, and that fighting against sexist attitudes and restrictions is necessary to make this happen. We are believers in equality, but we're also realists about the world, and how far behind women have been and continue to be.

And no, we shouldn't be humanists either. Humanism is an entirely different philosophical position that focused on rational, scientific thought. Don't mix up your words.

3. "Men Have Rights And Problems Too"

Of course they do! Patriarchy has bad effects on men all around the world. It keeps them from expressing their emotions, traps them in gender roles they may not want, and causes damage all over the place. Feminism isn't about minimizing men's problems or saying they have everything the way they want it. It's possible to focus on the difficulties (which are many and long-standing) of one gender without pretending that the other one is hunky-dory all the time. Feminism benefits men.

4. "There Are Just Natural Differences Between Men And Women"

Indeed there are. But difference does not mean incapability, which is the big issue here.

Women score consistently higher than men on IQ tests, and in highly educated countries like Sweden and Norway, the gender gap in aptitude in maths and science in teenagers is essentially zero, despite our long-perceived belief that girls suck at math. A lot of the so-called "natural differences," as the gender gap in maths and science proves, are down to societal beliefs. Women are discouraged from going into STEM fields, for example, because of gender stereotypes that it's "for boys".

5. "There Are Much Bigger Issues In The World Today Than Women's Rights"

OK, then. Tell me another measure by which we could boost the world economy by $28 trillion every year. That's the approximate cost of gender inequality worldwide; if women were given equal education and opportunity, equal pay and full participation in the workforce, they'd boost global wealth by a phenomenal amount.

Also, it's entirely possible to be a feminist and also advocate for refugee rights, an end to racism, equality for the disabled, nuclear disarmament, and whatever else. But feminism highlights a serious and very important issue, and insofar as ranking causes go (whatever good that will do), I think it lodges itself pretty high.

6. "You Must Hate All Men"

Yes, all feminists want to lock men in basements and make them do their bidding. That's why the straight and bisexuals amongst us marry men, date men, have children with men, and regularly spend a lot of our time with dudes. Feminists are perfectly capable of liking men (particularly men who love gender equality! Go those dudes!) and also condemning the world's gender oppression and silly gender stereotypes. We want to be equal, not to have nobody to talk to at brunch.

7. "Feminists Want Women To Have More Power Than Men"

Incorrect. The playing field is not level, even if your limited experience dictates that it is; see all the previous examples given about wage inequality, for example. Feminists genuinely do just want women to be given the same opportunities and rewards as men. It seems relatively simple, but you'd be really surprised how many people fight against it or see it as threatening their vested interests. We're not trying to cheat anybody out of anything, we promise!

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Wonder Woman: First footage of Gal Gadot teases origin story of feminist icon

"Wonder Woman is one of the greatest superheroes out there. But people don't know her origin like they know Superman's origin and Batman's origin."

DC have opened the floodgates on their cinematic slate. Premiered alongside the highly-anticipated Suicide Squad traileras part of their Dawn of the Justice League special on The CW, the first footage from 2017's Wonder Woman has now been revealed; alongside details on what we can expect from the Amazonian warrior.

King of nerds, Kevin Smith, spoke to DC's Chief Officer Geoff Johns on the special; with Johns revealing the film will essentially consist of a standard origin story. Yet, though Wonder Woman's existed in the cultural milieu for 75 years now, Gal Gadot's iteration is the very first to enter the big screen; so her backstory's simply not well known enough to come off as tired or well trodden as the rest (looking at you, Spider-Man).

"Wonder Woman is one of the greatest superheroes out there," he tells Smith. "But people don't know her origin like they know Superman's origin and Batman's origin; and so what we want to do in the film is really tell people who she is, where she comes from, and why she does what she does. We've never seen her on film before."

"She comes from Greek a mythology. She was born on this island of Amazons called Themyscira. These Amazons were once created to protect man's world, but they've since abandoned it. And Diana's asking constantly, 'why don't we go do what we were created to do and protect man', and they say, 'because they're not worth it'. And this takes her on a journey into our world."

This first look also delved into the appeal of DC's most iconic female hero. "She's an Amazon warrior. She's the best fighter in the DC universe," Johns explains. "She has strength and speed, and she's been training her whole life for war." The film's director, Patty Jenkins, offered her own perspective; "The greatest thing about Wonder Woman is how good, and kind, and loving she is; yet none of that negates any of her power."

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