7 Things A Feminist Does During A Breakup
Once you become exposed to feminism, it has a way of infiltrating every area of your life. So, while anybody at all can engage in these behaviors, there are certain things a feminist does in a relationship — and there are things a feminist does during a breakup, too. Our actions matter not just while we're in the middle of a romance, but after that romance is over, as well.
While no feminist should be expected to live every moment of their life with confidence, assertiveness, self-love, body positivity, and other feminist ideals, feminism can inspire you to strive toward your most empowered self. It makes you examine whether you're making decisions to please yourself or someone else, rethink what you are and aren't willing to compromise, and challenge assumptions about what your relationships should look like. Since feminism rejects prescriptions for behavior, it leads you to consider what you really want. That's super liberating and super scary.
Breakups are some of the toughest things people deal with during their lives and therefore some of the times when we most need the inspiration and wisdom feminism can provide. When you're dealing with something that difficult, whatever gets you through it is worth practicing. So here are some ways feminists deal with breakups that can hopefully make the process a little less trying.
1. They Grieve
Contrary to narratives of women's independence that claim we can never feel as if our lives are lacking without another person, feminists believe in accepting all emotions without judgment. After a breakup, it's normal to feel like you're missing your other half, even if you have high self-esteem. Two people in love become part of each other. That's what makes a breakup so painful: It feels like you've lost part of yourself. That has nothing to do with feeling incompetent, weak, or uninteresting, and everything to do with the fact that you were so close with someone that losing them is like losing part of you.
2. They Practice Self-Care
Feminism is about both demanding respect from others and practicing self-respect, which means taking excellent care of yourself in times of hardship, whether you're sick, feeling down, or dealing with a breakup. That's why I endorse the strategy of doing whatever it takes — except maybe hard drugs or, you know, anything that might cause another person bodily harm — when your heart has just been broken. Go shopping, take a bath, fly home to your parents' house, eat more than you normally would, drink more than you normally would — whatever makes you feel better. In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, your goal should be to distract yourself until the pain fades enough for you to start piecing your life back together. Until then, this is your time to be self-indulgent.
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